Mac and Devin Go to High School
Todd plays Snoop Dogg, Wiz Kalifa & Bruno Mars - "Young, Wild & Free" on his piano. MAC & DEVIN GO TO HIGH SCHOOL A Movie Review Todd: You know what's always lame? It's when an established performer does a team-up with a newer one. It's...it's just so transparently the old guy trying to leech out the newer one's relevance, or the new guy trying to borrow the older one's credibility. Ain't that right, younger, newer music critic? Rap Critic (RC): Oh, heck yeah it is! It is... chuckles You wanna do a crossover? Todd: DO I!!! The two suddenly appear seated next to each other in a different room. Todd: BOOYAH! Todd and Rap Critic review a terrible movie! :Bruno Mars: So what we get drunk... Todd (VO): For much of 2012, radios were bumping to "Young, Wild & Free", a dead catchy song from the team up collaboration of living legend Snoop Dogg and hot up-and-comer Wiz Khalifa—two rappers now known pretty much exclusively for smoking unfathomable amounts of weed. RC (VO): Also for doing guest verses in shitty pop songs. :Clips of Katy Perry ft. Snoop Dogg - "California Gurls"... :Snoop Dogg: Bikinis, zucchinis, martinis, no weenies :...T-Pain ft. Wiz Khalifa - "5 O'Clock"... :Wiz: And you'll be right at home waiting for me :iPhone plugged in the wall, just waiting for me :...Big Time Rush ft. Snoop Dogg - "Boyfriend"... :Snoop: You need a boyfriend and I can be that :Holla at me, hit me on my video chat. :...and Maroon 5 ft. Wiz Khalifa - "Payphone" :Wiz: ...go and take :That little piece of shit with you. :Maroon 5: I'm at a payphone RC (VO): But despite that, both still want you to take them seriously as rappers, and want to be considered hood and down with the ghetto and not total pop sellouts. So they didn't just make an album together. RC: No, they starred in an entire movie together—a stoner comedy called Mac and Devin Go to High School. Todd (VO): And "Young, Wild & Free" was inextricably tied to it. Snoop and Wiz are rapping in character as Mac and Devin about the plot of the movie. :Wiz: ...children. Had a science project, me and Mac killed it :Snoop: THC Todd (VO): Even with the song hyping it up everywhere, I couldn't find evidence that this movie even existed. When I went to the Mac and Devin website, it told me everything about the soundtrack, but nothing about the movie, which eventually limped to DVD without a theatrical release in June. of... First Sunday made it to theaters, The Wash made it to theaters, Who's Your Caddy made it to theaters. But even a hit song couldn't push Mac and Devin to anything but a direct-to-video dumpage slot. RC (VO): Basically, it has to be considered a lesser entry in Snoop Dogg's film career, which is [posters of ''Bones, Soul Plane, and Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror]'' really an incredible statement, when you think about it. Todd: How can a movie be so shameful that even Snoop Dogg wouldn't promote it? Well, let's find out. :Movie starts :Slowburn (Mystikal): And stay out! Man, this girl's trying to fuck up my dick. Talkin' 'bout she want to watch a romantic comedy. Todd (VO): What...okay. Looks like we're gonna start off with some...of... PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! RC (VO): No, no, no, no, Todd, that's not a banana, that...that's a joint. :Slowburn: My name is Slowburn, and I'm your movie guide. Todd (VO): O...kay. Well, um...let's have no confusion about what kind of movie we're watching then. :Slowburn: Go to the bathroom, turn off your annoyin'-ass cell phone, get a big-ass popcorn, and a couple of ice-cold... RC (VO): Wait, is that lit blunt being played by [album cover of ''Prince of the South...The Hits by...]'' Mystikal? It...yeah, that's him. Todd (VO): Oh, yeah, I remember that guy. of "Shake Ya Azz" "Shake ya ass, watch yourself." RC (VO): Yeah, he was the only one out of Master P's label that I could actually tolerate as a rapper...kinda. Hey, where's he been anyway? :News article: Mystikal Reflects on Six-Year Prison Sentence Todd (VO): Six years in jail for rape. RC (VO): Oh. Uh...okay, moving on. :Slowburn: You're missing one key ingredient, nigga. How you gonna watch a motherfuckin' weed movie without no motherfuckin' weed?! Get your papers, your bongs, your bowls, your blunts, some fat ass nuggs of that good good, and spark that shit up! Todd: You have an excellent point, badly animated talking blunt. Yeah, I think we to light one up. RC: Yeah, yeah, I think we need to get blazed. Todd: Yeah, we need us a couple of fat blunts! RC: Hell, yeah! You holdin'? Todd: No, I don't really smoke pot. RC: Oh, me neither. :Slowburn: Please stop this movie right now. It just won't work if you can't watch this shit without no weed. Stop. RC (VO): worried Todd... RC: ...I think we made a terrible mistake. :Slowburn: You don't play baseball without no bat, do you? Exactly. RC (VO): Actually, I don't even agree with him. I love movies like of various stoner comedies, among them... How High, Half-Baked, and Cheech & Chong's Up in Smoke, and I never smoked anything for them; they were funny to me regardless. And hey, if your writers are strictly relying on their audience having their mind altered before they could have any ability to enjoy the material, normally we would call that movie something like of... "terrible" or "unfunny." When someone says, "man, you have to be high in order to watch this," it's kind of an insult. They're applying the same rule to stoners as they do to four-year-olds. Hey...are we sure this movie wasn't produced by swim? RC: And hey, I'm not asking them to make bold, artistic statements. I'm just asking them to make me laugh. Todd: Okay, well, ignoring the anthropomorphic joint, let's talk about the movie proper. :Mac Johnson (Snoop Dogg): Hey, good morning. How's my favorite MILF doin' today? :MILF (Shvona Lavette Chung): Stressed. :Mac: Stressed? I have just what you need. Todd (VO): First there's Snoop, playing the drug dealer Mac. Now, I had assumed that this would be something like covers of... Back to School or the 21 Jump Street movie where they have to go back to high school for some reason, but, uh...turns out that Snoop is playing some kind of super-senior who's been in high school for fifteen years, which still makes him about ten years too old to play this role. RC (VO): Yeah, those years crossed out on his jacket are funny, but to be accurate, they'd probably have to start at 1987. [Actually, considering that Todd mentioned that Mac's been in high school for 15 years, and 1987 was ''2''5 years before 2012 despite Mac wearing a "2011" patch on his jacket, what RC meant is that Mac would've been in high school as early as 19''96.]'' Todd (VO): Meanwhile, Wiz Khalifa plays the overachieving school valedictorian. RC (VO): laughing Wiz Khalifa as a nerd? Yeah...no. You already used up your stretching of disbelief privileges as a movie if you expect me to buy that. I'd had an easier time believing him as Eleanor Roosevelt. Todd (VO): At least casting him as a teenager explains that horrible peach-fuzz 'stache. Also there's Andy Milonakis of "hey, whatever happened to Andy Milonakis" fame. RC (VO): You remember him. The man who physically looks like he's twelve years old, but mentally...acts like he's twelve years old. Yeah, this movie's gonna suck. Todd (VO): And then there's the antagonist—Assistant Principal...Skinnfloot. Ugh. :Mr. Armstrong (Mike Epps): ...life messed up, you kids. I'm old school! That means I don't play that shit. RC (VO): Wow, Mike Epps looks like they dragged him out of bed for this one. Todd (VO): Wait, those Asian guys. Wait, wait a minute, is that the Far★East Movement?! :Detention Student #1 (Kev Nish): Whatever, man. Todd (VO): It is! Holy crap, what are they doing here?! :Clip from Far★East Movement - "Like a G6" :Far★East Movement: ...ackin' like they drunk Todd (VO): How long exactly was this movie on the shelf? 'Cause this must've been filmed before the end of 2010, during the...month they were famous. RC (VO): You remember what they look like? I'm still trying to remember what they sound like. From what I remember from their "Like a G6" song, I thought they were one white chick. :Mac: That fool Skinfloot jacked me for that master kush. It's got to be in here somewhere. Come here. :accidentally turns on the mic. :Skinfloot (Derek D): This is the last time you... :Feedback :Mac: intercom Feast your eyes on my big, fat, long, succulent, mouth-watering whoo-wop-a-doo-da. :laughing Todd: flat Get it? It sounds like they're talking about sex. Todd and RC: flat Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. :Jasmine (Samantha Cole): intercom I knew it'd be big, but I've never seen anything this big. :is holding up a joint about the length of his forearm Todd: flat Get it? Look at that joint. It's...bigger than a regular-size joint. Todd and RC: again Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. :rushes to his office and finds Jasmine taking a giant puff of Mac's joint :Skinnfloot: Mac! :Mac: Skinny dick, you want a hit? :Bruno Mars: over So what, we get drunk... RC (VO): So... RC: ...did you want to write a punchline for that scene or...or what? RC (VO): Anyways, meanwhile Wiz is working on his speech. :Devin (Wiz Khalifa): High school...it's the best of times, it's the worst of times... The times that try men's soul... Ask not what high school can do for you, but what you can do... It's the best of times, it's the worst of times, it's...time for me to write a new speech. RC: Well, maybe you should first start with writing your own speech. Todd: My God, that acting. That was... :Devin: That was horrible. Todd: Yeah, what...what he said. :Skinnfloot: Know what this is I'm filling out? :Mac: What, an order for some medium-size condoms? :Skinnfloot: No, these are your expulsion papers. RC (VO): Dude, he's, like, 53 years old and he's supplying drugs to minors. Just have him arrested. Todd (VO): As you probably have noticed, Assistant Principal Skinfloot is played here by what appears to be the world's worst of... John Hodgman impersonator, which makes sense because, get it? He's a Mac, and he's Skinnfloot a PC, which, in this case, stands for text "Poorly-written character." :Principal Cummings (Luenell): Assistant Principal Skinnfloot...all expulsions are handled by me personally. :Skinnfloot: Yes, but this...student...always seems to get off with you. :Cummings: Does he? Do you mind giving us a few minutes? Todd (VO): So how often has Snoop had to bone the old lady to not get expelled? Is...is this a common occurrence? Anyway, the film gives us a number of other stock characters, all of whom get about two scenes each because this movie just doesn't care. There's Devin's rival. :Devin: What are you talking about, Mahatma? :Mahatma Chang Greenberg (Paul Iacono): That's Mahatma Chang Greenberg to you. Todd (VO): His controlling girlfriend. :Ashley (Teni Penosian): But no pressure though, babe. Just don't fuck up, or I'll dump you. Todd (VO): And Snoop also has a love interest, a hot new teacher who turns down his advances because she has rules. :Mac: What's say you, me, and my little buddy here make three. :Ms. Huck (Teairra Mari): Sorry, I don't date students. RC (VO): Yeah, especially students who are twenty years older than you. :Devin: Improper use of lab glassware is a hazard, you know? :Mac: Did you know that motherfuckin' outfit you got on is a style hazard? :Devin: What are you doin' here anyway? You're not smart enough to be in this class. Todd: flat Not like me. I am smart and a valedictorian. :Ms. Huck: I've spoken with your teacher and he wants you all to present a research project for your final grade. Todd (VO): Anyway, they get teamed up to do a science project together, which means that the cool guy and the nerd have to work together in the grand of... Kid 'n Play tradition. :Ms. Huck: ...and Overstreet and Johnson. :Devin: What?! Todd (VO): Goddamn it, Wiz, all you had to do was say, "what?!" Ho...how hard is that? How do you deliver a single word that badly? It wasn't a Shakespearean monologue! Anyway, Snoop and Wiz try to work together, but Snoop quickly derails the proceedings. :Devin: vending machine ...candy, mother...fucker. :Mac: What's up, superfreak? :Devin: I'm sorry, man, I just get low on blood sugar and... machine come on! :Mac: Relax, relax. I got just what you did. RC (VO): You know, in most movies where a way older guy gets a younger person high without their consent, they would usually be the bad guy of the movie. :Clip from ''Training Day '' :Alonzo: Didn't know you liked to get wet though. Dust...PCP...that's what you had. RC (VO): But it's okay here because, hey, it's friggin' Snoop Dogg. :Mac: Green goddess, ganja goodies, pecan cookies Todd (VO): Yeah, maybe "okay" isn't quite the word for it. But Wiz totally starts getting into it anyway. :Devin: Yo, Mac. It's like a got this track playing in my head. It's, like, perfectly synchronized to my movements and everything. :Mac: Let that shit out. Let me hear it, man. :Devin: Every time I go out, I'm blowin' the smoke out :I buy it don't even know the price :I smoke cause I live it, don't pay me to visit :And I'll be somewhere up in the sky RC (VO): So yes, the character's who's never pot on purpose, like, ever, had a song about smoking pot rattling around in his head. Yeah, sure. So what happens next is... :Wiz: I smoke cause I live it, don't pay me to visit RC (VO): Injected video for sensual seduction? Is...is this what's supposed to happen when you're high on weed? 'Cause...'cause that's not what happens. What happens is stuff becomes funnier and music slightly speeds up. Chemically, the effects of weed are actually kind of mundane. Todd: Wait a minute, since when do you know so much about getting high? RC: What are you, a cop? :Wiz: Or wait 'til one of my hoes come 'round and roll it all :Or say fuck it and cuff it 'til I go smoke with Dogg Todd (VO): It's becoming abundantly clear to me that this movie only exists as a cheaply made promotional tie-in for its own soundtrack, which...I...I think that's kind of the opposite of the way it's supposed to work, isn't it. :Mac: You got to do you like I do me. You dig? :cut to tattoo parlor :Devin: How the fuck did we get here? :Mac: We flew, nigga. Todd (VO): Also, we forgot to film that scene. Anyway, Mac goes through the process of corrupting young, innocent Devin. :Mac: You got your indica, you got your hybrids over there. You have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about, huh? :Devin: pause No. :Mac: Don't trip. I got exactly what you need. :to front of TV, with Mac turning on video :Captain Kush (Affion Crocket): Hey, ladies and gentlemen. I'm your friendly neighborhood weed player, Captain Kush. Todd (VO): So, if I'm counting correctly, this movie has literally two different, unrelated characters that are talking, anthropomorphic cannabis. Most movies would say one is enough, not this one. RC (VO): Okay, so then they smoke pot and...then they smoke pot and...and after this scene, they...I...I guess they're still smoking pot. Todd (VO): You know, I thought Mac and Devin Go to High School was gonna be, like, some kind of wacky adventure like Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, but it's...it's really not. Mac and Devin go to high school 'cause they're in high school. They may as well have called it Mac and Devin Breathe Oxygen. RC (VO): Aren't stoner comedies supposed to be zany, with, like, wacky characters and adventures? This is like if Dude, Where's My Car? was literally just two guys in a parking lot looking for their car. :Clips of various people asking Mac to hook them up Todd (VO): By the way, there are a billion different interludes throughout the movie of people sending video messages asking to buy weed from Mac, I guess to convey the idea that Mac is a drug dealer, in case you didn't get that. Not a single one of them is funny, and most of them aren't even trying to be. :Dr. Andrews: Hey, Mac. Dr. Andrews, third period English. These crazy kids give me a migraine. Think you could hook me up with a joint to relieve the pain? RC (VO): Tip for life: if you're a teacher conducting a transaction for illegal drugs with a student, don't film it! Todd (VO): In addition to those scenes, there are also endless ramblings from Slowburn, plus silly stylized transitions that go on way too long. And even despite the fact that this movie has more padding than a sumo wrestler costume, it's still only 75 minutes long. Snoop's released music videos with more plot than this. Todd: So anyway, we go back to the main plot where the two of them are getting ready for the talent show. RC: Sc...science project. Todd: Science project. Yes, science project. :Devin: We're working on this alternative energy source, which, if successful, could change everything about how we consume energy in this country. Shit, the world. This is what we're making—the catalytic ingredient. ...a brand new energy source. Todd (VO): It's pot. :Devin: Fuck, man. Todd (VO): It's pot! The missing ingredient is pot! Todd: Spoilers: the secret ingredient is going to be pot. In this movie that revolves entirely around pot, in which two characters literally are pot, yes, the science project will be rescued with pot. Sorry for giving that away. It was going to be mind-blowing when you found out. RC (VO): Also, here we have a scene where Snoop and his buddies do pot-smoking tricks. Down (Andy Milonakis) blows out pot smoke, which becomes a gun and fires Good god, could you guys use something better than after-effects on a trial version of Premiere? :Knees Down: We got this covered, watch this. :girlfriend (Tiffany Anne Hughes) takes down her pants slightly, then he sticks a joint into her crack. She farts brown smoke, which Knees Down inhales completely from his wheelchair. :Mac: She tooted and pooted! RC: aghast Dude, she...she just farted. That was it. She just farted and he sucked it into his mouth. Todd: Remember, kids, if you smoke pot, you too can be this cool. Todd (VO): Well, now that Wiz is no longer playing an uptight nerd, maybe his acting will get better. :Devin: Socrates said, "I think, therefore I am." Or some other famous philosopher said, "I am what I am laughing what I am." Todd: You have never been high in your life. RC (VO): So then they...smoke some more weed. I...I really don't see why they bothered to film a scripted movie when they could have just pointed a camera at these guys during a normal day. Anyway, Mac's gonna do Devin a solid and get him laid. :Mac: Uh, could we speak to Mamasan? :Mamasan: What you want? :Mac: Trying to get my boy hooked up with some of that good-good. :Mamasan: Okay, how much you have? RC (VO): Wait, so this grand-fantastic, pimp player, perpetually popped collar named Mac can't get any ass for Devin without paying for it? I just don't th...I'm confused. Weren't they just hanging around chicks for the past 40 minutes? What happened? Were those girls contracted to be eye candy only? So, yeah, sex with that chick, and since I'm too lazy to figure out how that black-box thing works, I'm just gonna cut to the part where Wiz's girl Ashley texts him about how she knows that he's at a massage parlor. H...h...how did she know that? :Mac: Devin a joint Have some. :drive up and, sped-up, Devin runs away to not-so-appropriate music Todd (VO): Oh, what, seriously? Todd: If that's what you're going for, why not just paste in the Benny Hill theme. clip of Devin, with Boots Randolph - "Yakety Sax" playing No, we're not going to. Too obvious. :a holding cell :Inmate: Hey, what's happening? What you all up in here for? :Mac and Devin: Weed. RC (VO): Uh...uh, so...not for prostitution. O...kay, but with his girlfriend, who knows that he's had sex with someone else, and has been putting her off, and has been doing all kinds of illegal stuff, is still willing to pull strings to bail him out? This ultra-controlling girlfriend seems a bit more...forgiving than most ultra-controlling girlfriends would be. Todd (VO): So, because Devin doesn't try to bail Mac out, probably due to the ruining of his life and all—which was done, need I remind you, without his consent—Mac somehow gets two Latina chicks to bail him out instead, whom he turns down for a three-way because, you know, Mac has his heart set on that teacher chick he barely talked to earlier. :Mac: Baby, right now, I'm currently a one-ho bro. :Girl (Jennifer Andrade): What am I supposed to do in the meantime? :Mac: I don't know. What about her? :walks off and the two girls start making out. RC: Huh. I don't know whether to be offended because it was so sexist, or because...it wasn't even a little hot. :sits next to the project and drops a light's plug into the beaker. He lights up (And now, the shocking reveal!), flicks the ashes into the beaker with the formula, causing the light to flicker. (Turns out, the secret ingredient is...) :Mac: Wait a minute. to Mac walking in with weed Delta-9 tetrahydracannabino. RC: bored Oh, you mean like in How High, that...that movie we could've watched instead? RC (VO): Okay, let's wrap this up. So Snoop Dogg gets found out as a cheater and has to answer one question in order to pass. Of course, he answers correctly, despite never demonstrating any knowledge concerning math because the writer wants to end this as much as I do. And finally, they get to this fundraiser. Todd (VO): Graduation speech. RC (VO): Graduation speech, whatever. And they finish it off. :Devin: High school. It's the best of times, it's the worst of times. It's...well, actually, there's something a friend of mine taught me. singing So what, we get drunk :So what, we smoke weed :We're just having fun :We don't care who sees RC: beat And then they kindly escort him offstage and don't let him graduate. RC (VO): Naw, everything goes fine, as... :Off-camera Girl: Ooh, I want your cock! RC (VO): Pssh. Typical women, only concerning with intelligence. Yeah, and he sings "Young, Wild & Free" with...a...a dance crew? This movie can barely afford graphics that you see in a local car dealership commercial, but they cared to pay money for a choreographer? Todd (VO): Well, as this is basically just a long, half-ass music video, you wanna review the song then? RC (VO): Yeah, sure. Okay, so when Wiz says... :Slowburn: Now's time for my valedictorian speech. So many people in the world still look down on marijuana. What a shame. No matter what field you in, be it creative, blue or white-collar, there a lot of genius motherfuckers that puff herb on the regular. So does that make... RC (VO): Really?! A pseudo-inspirational speech about weed! :Slowburn: It opens up your mind to new ideas. RC: You guys made this! of toot-and-poot And you clearly did that while high! So do you really think now is the time to tell us that weed is a good thing?! :Slowburn: We have a safe way to relax, expand, grow our minds, and all from a beautiful, wonderful-smelling plant that grows on this Earth. Todd (VO): Holy Christ, I don't wanna hear someone lecture me why marijuana should be legal. I live on the Internet, I've heard it. Oh, good, we're done. :Chang Greenberg sold an energy formula to a Gulf Coast Energy Company for millions of dollars...a formula that was eerily close to Mac & Devin's catalytic ingredient.) :of Devin making snow angels :starts Yale in the Fall, but he can't figure out if his major should be Getting High with a minor in Getting Pussy...or the other way around.) Todd (VO): Uh, perhaps he should be spending his time suing that other guy. Put this off. Todd: Okay, here's the horrible secret about slacker comedies—making them is actually a lot of really hard work. Todd (VO): Cheech & Chong didn't get high at all during Up in Smoke, they were too busy making a goddamn movie. Apparently no one involved with making this movie understood that because, even as a specialist in unneeded star-vehicle cash-ins, this is one of the laziest attempts at filmmaking that I have ever seen. RC (VO): Yeah, this movie's bad. I wouldn't bother checking it out even if you do smoke weed. I'd suggest watching a movie that's naturally already funny, so that when you watch it high, it can be ten times as funny, instead of eking up the lowest laugh-per-minute ratio you could get from a supposed comedy by watching this. Todd (VO): I don't care how much pot you smoke. You don't smoke enough that this will ever be funny. You don't get high to watch this movie because it'll make it funnier, you get high because it numbs the pain. Todd: So what, you got drunk? So what, you smoke weed? I'll tell you so what. You were so wasted, you didn't bother writing a film or learning how to act! RC: Totally. So, I'm the Rap Critic—you don't have to like my opinion, but I don't have to like your movie. Todd: We didn't have to watch it either. Why did we? RC just shrugs, freeze frame as "Young, Wild & Free" plays. Rap Critic went on to become a mega-platinum selling rapper and was connected by the tabloids to Katy Perry, Rihanna, Selena Gomez and Scarlett Johansson. Todd never found his usual gray hoodie and had to go buy a new one at Target. He says his old one was more comfortable. Closing tag song: Snoop Dogg with Wiz Khalifa - "Talent Show" THE END Mac and Devin Go to High School is owned by Yard Entertainment This video is owned by me Special thanks to Tom Hyre for the studio space Category:Guides Category:Todd In The Shadows Transcripts